I am sure that there is someone out there who thinks this— that I’m just being whiny or overly sensitive or dwelling on something for far too long.

Here’s what I have to say to you:

First of all, ignorance of this issue is not an excuse. If you don’t know about sexual abuse, sexual assault, and other forms of inhuman violence, then you’ve chosen not to. Anyone who takes even ten minutes to read up on some statistics can understand this. I reserve my right, therefore, to get pissed as hell at you if you don’t know anything.

Second, this is so common and so horrible that you should have had the conscience—the moral humanity—to go beyond those ten minutes and learn about the experiences of others. If you can’t understand why sexual abuse is bad, then you’re obviously a person who has benefited from the dominator culture which has made it possible. If you can’t understand why we can’t “get over it”, and why it sticks with us forever, then you haven’t learned enough.

Third, our experiences are not limited to singular moments or incidents. Even if it only happened once, or half of once, our experiences with sexual abuse have and will continue to affect every single relationship we ever have with other people, platonic, familial, or romantic. Our experiences bleed into other areas of our lives because we were violated physically, mentally, and emotionally— something may appear to be unrelated to our experience (such as an ant in the house), but it actually pulls us right back into it. There are millions of different ways in which a person who survived sexual abuse can be affected.

Fourth, our experiences are also not limited to single individuals. Indeed, we were abused by entire systems which inflicted emotional, economic, social, judicial, or other violence upon us. We were blamed for what happened and even told that it was justified, and we lost jobs, our children, our livelihoods, were abused more, or made ashamed because the system works for the perpetrators. You call us conspiracy theorists and claim that we’re posing blanket assumptions, but you make blanket assumptions right back and assume that the system is flawless. If you can’t look at basic, factual statistics and figure out that something is wrong here and wonder why, then you’re a waste of human space.

Fifth and last, maybe you should examine why you’re angry or annoyed or think we’re stupid or crazy. Maybe you happen to benefit from these systems, and our very existence proves they exist and are flawed. Maybe our very existence is a threat to your convenient way of life.

We can blame whoever the fuck we want to, and we can do it to any extent we desire. This is our right as people who have survived. You aren’t me, and I’m not you. You can’t know how my singular experience with sexual abuse has affected my life. This is my right to be angry and blame and curse and feel and cry, and you aren’t going to take it away from me because I’ve already lost enough.